Letter to No One
Dear You,
There are lots of things in my head right now. Actually it
had been haunting me for the past weeks. Yes, it's the memory of you. Each
night, each day.
It sucks, actually, to think about you, because i know that you
have never ever thought about me. I'm just a pathetic sixteen years old girl,
having a crush on this one older boy who's seem to be so gentle and kind.
Yes, you are so kind to me. You are so so kind to a childish
girl like me. Somehow i think that i owe you an apology. For being a kid, that
is. I did a lot of stupid and embarrassing things. I still do now. And for that i
am sorry. Sorry for being sixteen.
I owe you an apology. I also owe you gratitude. It probably
meant nothing to you. Wait, i know it meant nothing to you. But that night meant
a lot to me. It meant a lot to a childish girl who can only dream. That's the
only thing i could do my whole life. I could only dream. You made that dream
come true, and for that i am grateful. I am stupid and i don't get a lot of
stuff. I have a lot to learn and i cannot satisfy you enough. But thank you,
really, for what you've done, for giving me a chance and to feel what reality
felt like.
At the same time i hate you as well. I hate you for giving
me hope. I hate you for kicking me out. I hate you for not saying anything. For
pretending like nothing happened. For giving me reality for one day and cast me
back towards my dull dreamland. I hate you for what you've done, cause right
now i cannot forget you so easily.
But then again what you've given me is more than anything
and i know that i don't have the right to ask for more.
So i don't know what to say. Thank you? Sorry? I hate you?
You're so kind and cruel at the same time, you know. You've lifted me up and threw
me back to the ground. I kind of know how bungee jumping feels like now.
I remember and cherish everything. All the worthless things,
all the worthless moments. You had me on that Friday night. With that cold beer
on your hand and words exchanging from our lips. And on the next week i got
your hand around my waist and your skin under my fingers. I know what dream
comes true feels like now. Thank you for showing me that.
.
(But i still hate you, old man).
